Remembering Doria

One Father's Journey after the Death of his Daughter

Return to Zero, Return to Zoe

2 Comments

Just finished watching Return to Zero. After nearly two years of rooting for these guys to get the movie out, they had their world premiere on Lifetime. I thought they could pull it off, and they actually managed to tell the stillbirth story powerfully and personally. It’s outstanding all the way around. There were so many familiar moments in there, especially the moment where they find out their baby has died. 

As I watched the stark nature of their hospital experience, and especially the social worker who asks right away if they have considered burial or cremation, it really brought to mind some things that I thought I was thankful for before, but appreciate even more tonight:

Our care providers. The heart that our doctor showed at every turn, and that all of the nurses showed amazed me then, and it amazes me even more seeing how different it could have been. I’m extremely glad that people were there to guide us by the hand compassionately, and that we could set the terms of things like how long we spent with Doria, our pictures, and all that. I’m very glad that they just wheeled Doria out with some dignity instead of a cardboard box like the movie showed. I’m glad that we got to see their real hearts in that horrible weekend.

 

People I work with/for. Seeing the main male character, on his return to work, mention leaving things behind you and moving right on, especially making sure that it doesn’t affect business, was heart-stopping. I’m extremely glad that I don’t work with/for anyone with that attitude. I was working for my major professor that semester. I remember sharing with her my plan to show up for my discussion sections that week and introduce myself, since that part is so easy. She brilliantly countered with “That’s a nice plan. Let’s not do that, and do this instead” in her best politely confrontational tone. Along with that, our department chair (who I had 2 classes scheduled with) OKd me attending class if that made things more normal. I’m glad that they took the time to give that kind of space.

 

Tough times before Doria’s death. They don’t make things better, but the fact that my wife and I had seen troubles and failure before at least let us know that things could collapse. If we were only used to success, I’m not sure what would happen. No matter what, I still wish none of this happened and this movie was a mystery to me, but the tough times and chaotic times helped more than anything else could have.

Zoe. I don’t really spend much time that I’m not thankful for her. It was really funny to watch her play along while we watched the movie. This little girl has no fear and tons of life. I love that. She’ll be frightening as she ages, but that’s OK. We’re still winning.

Doria. I’m still glad for every moment with her. When Minnie Driver’s character mentioned that no one can tell you ahead of time the relationship that you have with your dead child until it happens, that summed up tons of things. I loved watching their excitement leading up to their son, and I really loved the excitement right up to Doria’s last day. Still no regrets.

Forums like this. The stillbirth and child loss community is the best thing that the Internet has to offer. This has been one of the best ways to find out that I/we aren’t alone, and the best way to show that to others as well.  Thanks to the community for doing all that, and for their part in getting this movie out there.

Just a picture of the thoughts sparked by the movie there. Why not wrap up with some non-word pictures? The 2 different sides of things. First is Doria with our mascot Cy, second is Zoe’s 2nd day on the outside.

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2 thoughts on “Return to Zero, Return to Zoe

  1. I am really excited this movie has actually come out and that a movie exists about this experience! I have recorded it, but haven’t had the right moment to watch it yet. I hope it helps bring about awareness and compassion for these precious babies and what their parents go through.

    Thanks for sharing your journey and your beautiful girls! They are both so lovely. You guys have been such a source of encouragement to me.

  2. I thought it was very honest without going over the top about the experience. The decisions they made (even the worst ones that will make you cringe) made sense with the way things were going and the way they were thinking/feeling. I think the film will do a lot of good.

    And hey, you’re getting closer! 🙂

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