(Meanderings from Doria’s Mom)
I have had a few different ideas go through my mind to write about, but not really detailed. So here is a short muddle of some of my thoughts over the last few months.
It is so easy for friends/people to back away and leave those who grieve alone. It is a sad fact that happens too often. Mother’s Day is Sunday. It has always been a sort of awkward day for me. I was content with not being able to have children, but it could bother me sometimes. I would wish a friend happy Mother’s Day and have had people start to reply in kind only to stop when remembering I didn’t have any children. While sort of funny, it was awkward!
Then Doria came along. One of my friend’s kids wanted to make sure I had a card for that Mother’s Day since I had a baby even though she wasn’t out yet. J That’s pretty awesome!
Then she died.
And then came the next Mother’s Day. I wanted to play it low key; just kinda be a ghost that day. I was surprised by acts of love that day. Our church has flowers available for moms. The kids can go get one after church if they want. I think I ended up with two flowers that day and a few people checked to make sure I got one. What a nice act of love to show that they remembered Doria!
I bring this up because Mother’s Day can be extremely hard on people. They could be mourning the fact that they can’t have kids or missing ones that have died. Please show love to ladies you know on Sunday.
Rainbows are often seen as symbols of hope and of promise. I wondered if the idea of using this for the next child after a death came from the Bible. So, I did a word search for ‘rainbow’ to see how it is used and there were only six times (NIV) that the word showed up. The first three were in reference to the covenant that God made with Noah. He would not flood the earth (completely) again. It was a sign to remind everyone of this promise. Once the rainbow is a description of the Glory of the Lord and once as an object that circles the throne in heaven. The last time is in reference to the appearance of an angel.
The rainbow is a reminder of hope and is beautiful. They come after a rough time and remind us that there is more to life than the storm. I like how the Urban Dictionary defines rainbow baby:
A “rainbow baby” is a baby that is born following a miscarriage or still birth.
In the real world, a beautiful and bright rainbow follows a storm and gives hope of things getting better. The rainbow is more appreciated having just experienced the storm in comparison.
The storm (pregnancy loss) has already happened and nothing can change that experience. Storm-clouds might still be overhead as the family continue to cope with the loss, but something colorful and bright has emerged from the darkness and misery.
I have many friends who are expecting again. Some are expecting their rainbow babies. I pray especially for them and the process they are going through. It is very hard to reclaim the joy that you had before. Your eyes have been opened to how real the chance of something happening is. Every time they overcome a fear or hear a heart beat I rejoice. I get this really silly grin each time they continue to do something they love and find joy in it.
For my friends that have not been through this loss I pray that they won’t have to. It is still somewhat hard to believe that there is an eight month old in our home. The hope I clung to I still cling to everyday rejoicing in her presence and am reminded how beautiful rainbows are.
I hope some of this makes sense and can be encouraging. With unknown storms ahead I look forward to the rainbows that will come after which reflect God’s glory and His faithfulness.