Remembering Doria

One Father's Journey after the Death of his Daughter

Living While Remembering—Doria’s Mom :)

1 Comment

From Doria’s Mom:
I have been thinking about this for the last month or so.  While we are excited and thankful for Zoe and how well she is doing we still miss her sister. As much as a person can want to hide from the world, even hide from thinking; everyone else keeps moving. Everyone grieves differently and at a different pace, yet life keeps moving.  We used to go and visit Doria’s grave once a week and even just drove by when the snow was too deep to walk over. Since Zoe is now with us (and are abundantly grateful for that) we have other concerns than going every week. It’s been too cold for her to come with us and we won’t leave in the car by herself. So I have been pondering “How do you keep living while you are remembering or even still grieving?”
My first thought is that you never forget. Doria is always with us and in our hearts. We still have pictures we look at or Dori-Bear we can cuddle.  I used to let Zoe look at Dori-Bear, but now that she’s putting everything in her mouth I have told her that Dori-Bear isn’t a toy 😉  The memory is always there. 
Praying is a large part of comfort and strength. Praying that I can figure out how to tell Zoe about her sister when it is time. Praying that I could enjoy Zoe growing with out the constant thought that Doria didn’t get to do…. Praying about my worries as we waited for Zoe to be born.  To be able to share with the God I trust, reminding myself that I can’t understand His plans, and holding on to the promise of His love for me. 
Talking is a blessing. I am so thankful for the family and friends that let me talk about Doria. I still feel that they don’t mind me bringing up Doria in conversation. It is such a freedom to be able to talk about her, or even to mention her name. I don’t do it constantly, but when I do it doesn’t kill the conversation. 
Allowing happy moments. It IS okay to be happy. It IS okay to smile and laugh.  It is also okay to cry. Crying WILL happen. 
Taking each day at a time and getting through them helps as well. Worrying and dwelling on negative thoughts for prolonged periods of time does not help.  You can help yourself by knowing what my trigger you.  For example, maybe going to a friend’s baby shower right away would be a bad idea; or maybe you need to take a break from helping in the church’s nursery.  It is okay to step back for a while and re-evaluate what you can or can not do. 
Even though life is moving on, I am thankful for the different ways Doria is still remembered.


One thought on “Living While Remembering—Doria’s Mom :)

  1. Becky I sympathize with your thoughts. I know we shouldn’t blame ourselves. It isn’t our fault but there are moments when we go back and think over time. God is with us but sometimes we question. It is OKAY to love & enjoy Zoe and enough love for both Doria and Zoe. God Bless

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