Remembering Doria

One Father's Journey after the Death of his Daughter

Three Months!

4 Comments

Three Months ago today (and about 15 hours), we reached the end of the rainbow, and little Zoe made her dramatic appearance into the world!

It’s really been three months. What seems most amazing about that is that she’s normal now. It’s not surprising that Zoe’s here. Instead, it’s surprising what she can do. I never really knew that someone could go from smiling and laughing to screaming and tears faster than I could snap a finger, but Zoe can. I had heard of good diaper blowouts, but I never knew what that looked like until she did that on my leg a few weeks ago.

So many things happen in three months, because so many things happen in three months. I remember struggling and failing to focus last year at this time. Now I can focus for huge points of time, if I can stay awake. I remember how quickly my emotions could swing last year. Now they swing between tired and WIDE awake. It’s odd, but much less deflating and depressing. Of course, thinking about the future is much different now. Instead of wondering whether things are possible, anything is possible, but I never really know what’s going to happen.

Zoe brought her gift for calmness and drama right here to the outside world. I remember the sudden bits of drama that came while we were waiting for her, and her own obnoxiously laid-back approach to life in the womb. Now I see it every day. This very moment, Zoe is out cold, sleeping in a position that would cripple me. Any minute now, she be suddenly be awake and hungry, announcing her sudden hunger with a scream that drowns out all noise in this apartment. Any moment!

The most important part, though, is that it’s three months today. Zoe made it! She’s about doubled in size since we brought her home. With all the learning and growing that she does, it’s like having a new daughter every day or two. What works beautifully one day is only that day’s victory. Counting on it again is just asking to fail, which tells me that she may be a little too crafty. Today was nap day. I’m sure that tomorrow is very much not nap day. We’ll see.

Three months ago, we made it this far. We crossed the rainbow into the land of constant feeding and piles of diapers. The ride was incredibly heart-stopping, frightening, and challenging. It was worth it, because Zoe made it. All these things that we worked for, hoped for, cried over, and prayed for actually happened. 🙂

Happy 3 months, ‘little’ Zoe!

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4 thoughts on “Three Months!

  1. This is beautiful!

  2. How awesome!! I’m beyond happy for you and your family…so deserving! Happy 3 months… 🙂

  3. Zoe is so cute. Thank you for continuing to show hope to those of us still in the dark part.

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