Remembering Doria

One Father's Journey after the Death of his Daughter

Wow. One Year Later

8 Comments

Tomorrow, just before dinner, it will be one year since we found out Doria died. One year. That all really happened. It’s going to be beautiful. We have a nice plan put together to relish Doria. It will work perfectly well, unless her sister takes over. 

It caused me to think: this really wasn’t the plan. We planned Doria’s birthday party for tomorrow, but it’s supposed to be different. It should involve a party that she won’t remember, and gifts that she doesn’t really notice, and a cake that she can’t eat yet. It should be here in our apartment instead of the cemetery, but that’s not how the party will be.

At this point, we should have a billion pictures, mostly saved for ourselves but a bunch obnoxiously displayed all over Facebook. Instead, we have a very finite collection of beautiful photos from our one day together in the hospital. 

We should be lamenting how quickly Doria went through those cute newborn clothes, and laughing about my estimates on diaper sizes, since I stocked up ahead of time like I was filling a fallout shelter. Instead, no one has worn those clothes yet. Everything is still in its original tote, and none of those diapers has been used yet. That means that the house is odor free, which would normally be a very nice thing, but not really this way. 

Most of all, it’s stunning that this all happened an entire year ago.  I am so glad that the wound isn’t nearly as raw as it was back then, and it leaves me wondering: where exactly did this year go? How did this happen so quickly? 

This will be a beautiful weekend. We’ve both been looking forward to it for a while now. I just can’t quite believe that it’s actually here. Where did that time go?

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8 thoughts on “Wow. One Year Later

  1. Erik, Thank You! I was just about to make some lame tweet about how exhausted I am after a 9 hour work day and 7 plus hours of preparing for my son’s 2nd birthday party tomorrow! But instead I’m going to just think about how lucky I am to be able to have this day and for how blessed I am to have met such amazing people. Tomorrow, my wife, son and I will send a balloon up to Doria and we’ll never lose sight of those who grieve and those who are still battling in the Nicu.

  2. I will be thinking about you today and sending light and love to you and your beautiful family. You speak so vividly about your beloved beautiful Doria, i feel I’ve gotten to know her a bit too. Enjoy your day celebrating her, it sounds lovely and healing. Please know she is loved from far away.

  3. Happy birthday, Doria! I can’t imagine what your heaven homecoming party was like!!

  4. I love this. I would love to feel the way you are feeling, wondering where the year went and looking forward to the first birthday. For me right now, time is dragging SO slow. I just want it to hurry up. I long to be where you are, with a new baby coming and the pain diminished. It helps me to know that it is possible and that God has blessed you guys in the way I want to be blessed, which means maybe He will bless us with it too.

    • Absolutely! Time doesn’t heal all wounds, but wounds don’t start to heal without time. (That’s my Mike Brady moment!)

      You should have seen us at the last weekend of December. It was quite a different story!

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