Remembering Doria

One Father's Journey after the Death of his Daughter

Are We There Yet?


Zoe is still doing fantastic! She aced her test this morning without ever meeting her enemy, the Buzzer. That was nice for us, and nice for her.

Something I was reading asked people a question about their feelings while awaiting their rainbow baby. I expected August to be a real up-and-down emotional roller coaster. Except for a couple of really bad days, that hasn’t been the case. I expected a rush of excitement once we had “the talk” that the doctor wouldn’t stop or slow labor when it begins. I’ve got the excitement, but not exactly the way I expected.

I think the answer would be this. I’m ready for this part to be done. Probably not as ready in some ways as Becky, but more ready in others. Essentially, it’s been 72+ weeks of pregnancy in our house. We’ve done it all except have a living baby. I’m ready for this part to end and the next part to begin.

The idea really landed when I thought about Zoe’s final growth check ultrasound, which is scheduled for this upcoming Monday. This is our 5th one for Zoe now, and I’m over that excitement. The first one, when we saw her, was great and exciting. The 20 week one where we found out we’re expecting a girl, and she could have her name was exciting. The impromptu one on the day that Becky couldn’t feel her kicking was exciting, because it confirmed that she’s alive. The other growth check one was exciting, because I got to see my daughter again. This one, I’ve seen enough TV images. I’m ready to see her face to face.

We’re not going to race into abrupt solutions like a force-fed diet of deli meat. Nothing crazy here. I’ll wait as long as it takes for Zoe to be healthy, but I’m ready for the waiting to end. I’ve talked to Zoe. I’ve let her know. I’ve run my hand down Becky’s tummy to show Zoe the way. She knows what to do.

I know I’ll hate this question when she’s older, but I get to ask it for now. Are we there yet?


4 thoughts on “Are We There Yet?

  1. Almost there…. You’re in my thoughts and prayers. 🙂

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