Remembering Doria

One Father's Journey after the Death of his Daughter

Zoe-What I Want for Christmas


It was an up-and-down couple of days. That made me think of something I’ve been looking forward to for quite a while. I thought I’d let Zoe know what I want for Christmas.


Zoe, you’re racing right along. Your mommy and I are so excited to see you soon. I’ve had this thought bouncing around for a couple days. Zoe, this is what I want for Christmas. I want to play ball.

See, when our church had a baby shower for your sister, one of our pastors and his wife gave us this really cool ball:




It is a sweet ball. It goes two ways. When you’re older, we can roll it back and forth. When you’re younger, we can sit there, roll it out, and it’ll roll back. Well, it’ll do that until it breaks, but we’re pretending that won’t happen right now. 

Out of all the toys we had for your sister, this was my favorite. I’ve been looking forward to playing with this thing for a year now. In my little estimate, we can play with this together right around Christmas. Well, I’ll play with it, and we can both giggle. I’ll say it was your idea, and I’ll probably embarrass you with this in about 20 years. (OK, I’ll definitely embarrass you with it in about 20 years!)

If you’re checking on the time, it might be a little sooner. Basically just enough to sit up with me on the floor. If that’s a little earlier, I can move Christmas up.

Zoe, you are doing great! You are a healthy, bouncy little kicking machine. This is what I need from you right now: keep going. Keep kicking. Keep growing. Keep doing all that stuff you’re doing already, and then go ahead and come on out alive.

Your mommy is ready. Daddy is ready. Your stuff is ready. Your diapers are ready. Your seat is in the car. All we need now is you.  So keep up the good work, Zoe. We’re ready, and you’re looking just about ready, too. 

I really don’t want more stuff, and I don’t need more stuff. I’m not really planning to send you out for a job just yet. We can do that in a couple years. Nothing expensive here, Zoe. Just come on out and play ball.


8 thoughts on “Zoe-What I Want for Christmas

  1. this was beautiful!

  2. Love the thoughts.

  3. Wishing you all the best for the safe arrival of Zoe! The anxiety in a subsequent pregnancy is crippling at times. Be kind to yourselves.x

  4. I’m so excited for you guys that you have another baby coming soon! It makes me hopeful that God has given you another girl as I hope that he gives us another boy, even if He gave us a girl first. I look forward to the hopeful times you are having with a new baby. I love how you are already telling Zoe about her sister.

    • Thanks! We had a boy’s name picked out, too, so she was Zojo until we got the word.
      We would have loved a boy, but we were really biased towards a girl this time.
      She is getting zo close! And, of course, God is zo good@

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