Remembering Doria

One Father's Journey after the Death of his Daughter

August, I See You………….

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I’ve been anticipating this month for almost a year now. It’s going to a big one, with peaks and valleys, tremendous victories and crushing defeats. August really will have it all. 

When we began our race for this rainbow baby, one of our goals was to avoid you. If at all possible, we wanted to avoid being pregnant around Doria’s birthday on August 17th. We talked about how emotional and just weird that could be, and we wanted to miss the experience. It isn’t happening that way, and that’s fine. We kind of expected that, because it wouldn’t be us to do it the easy way. And so, August, here we are.

August, I know you’re there. I know that you’re going to bring the pain, because that’s how it works. I am perfectly certain that I will coast through most of this month, because I’ve been this road a little bit, I know people who have been down it, I’ve had the chance to prepare, I’ve got loads of hope, and I’m as set as I can be. Overall, this will be a very nice month.

I also know that nobody goes undefeated. August, there will be a day when you take me down. I don’t know when. I don’t know how hard. I don’t know how long it will be. I don’t know what it will look like. I don’t know what it will feel like. Seeing a lot of people experiencing that right now, I don’t believe that I’ll be the one who avoids it. No one else does, I won’t be the one. I just know that it will hurt, and it will happen. Bring it on. 

I know one more thing. I’ll get back up. I’ve been smashed around in most ways that a person can. I can do pain. I can endure. I can laugh and I can cry. I can bleed. I can keep calm when everything is wrong. I know something about how to fall. But most importantly, I can get back up. 

August, you are going to be a mega-month. Zoe is racing right along with her perfect health, and I’m zelebrating that every day. I’m doing something new with a conference that I’ve not done before. We’re preparing a really cool new ministry thing. I will meet about 100 new frightened freshmen this month. We will celebrate Doria’s birthday, and wonder how in the world we ever got her. Unless she waits until her due date in September, we’ll welcome Zoe into the world. Her diapers are here waiting, so she can go ahead and get here any time. Ready for that, too. 

There are a couple of stubborn thoughts that tend to run through my head when I know there’s a big challenge coming. One is an underdog thought, and I couldn’t decide between Churchill and Rocky. Then I couldn’t find the Rocky one that I wanted, so we’ll do Churchill to the British people in the dark days of World War II:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L90BCEVH41U

But also, something deeper than Churchill (even though you’ll never convince Churchill of that!). In Psalm 23, David talked generally about going through some very dark and painful places of life, but he was comforted by the fact that God would be with him.

23 The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
3 He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell[a] in the house of the Lord
Forever.

——–

August, I see you. You are a huge mountain right in front of me. You will be a tough opponent and a difficult partner. You will knock me down, but you won’t keep me there. You’ve been waiting for me. I’ve been waiting for you. It’s game time, August. 

Thankfully, August, I’m not looking at you all by myself.  There’s an almighty Friend here by my side. He promised never to leave me on my own. He isn’t one to avoid the tougher spots. I get that you aren’t, either. I get that you aren’t going away. I respect that. I respect Him even more. You’ll bring the pain. He’ll bring the healing. You’ll bring defeat. He’ll bring a victory. 

There is no turning back. Reality is waiting. This is gonna be good.

August, I see you…………

 

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2 thoughts on “August, I See You………….

  1. Praying for a restored soul as you walk through this valley. May He shelter you under His wings.

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