Remembering Doria

One Father's Journey after the Death of his Daughter

Breaking Barriers

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Wow, this summer is going fast! Just like last year, but completely different.

Tomorrow morning makes it official. Zoe enters her third trimester. We’re now at the point where you take a pregnancy for granted, except that we know better. But knowing better isn’t really better, because we’re supposed to be able to take this for granted by now. Can’t change it now for sure, and here we are. 28 weeks on our march to the rainbow, and it is going great.

I felt Zoe kick a few days ago. She didn’t want to play when I poked back, but I’ve felt her kick now. Zoe really might as well be a runner for all the times I hear “Oh, Zoe.” She’s putting on miles, and she’s healthy. So far, so outstanding!

While we’re breaking barriers and crossing thresholds, we have our huge one on Wednesday. That’s ultrasound day, where we see our little Zoe again, and we should see that her cyst has faded away into nothing but an alarming bit of trivia. As lively as she is, and the way the numbers work, I believe that will happen. It’ll be so much nicer to see it.

Just walking through the house, we have baby stuff flying around again. The last of the things that weren’t washed before Doria died are wrapping up now. As a family, we are very rapidly approaching the ‘nothing to do but wait’ stage. It’s neat, but it’s so sadly different from the anticipation of last year when we didn’t know that people talked about stuff like this.  It’s not quite like feeling robbed at this point. It’s much more just missing the old innocence. Even knowing that nothing should happen to Zoe, I know that nothing was ‘supposed’ to happen to Doria. It’s just an interesting time of living with a confident fear.

So, three days of waiting. Those three days are filled with a lot of very good things. So far, so good, but this is going to be a long and fast wait.


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