It’s been a while. Too many things to write all at once, but this is a good point in life. Things are finished and things are beginning again.
With the struggles I had last semester in concentrating and reading, I took a couple of incompletes on my coursework. Instead of a traditional winter break, I staggered along, trying to get my focus back. After some significant frustration, it started to return. One sweet day, I read a book, just like normal. Then a couple of fried days, a couple of strong ones, and I could see myself getting back into productive working shape. That was nice. Eventually, even though it took an epic weekend binge of writing and re-reading, I finished everything and turned it in. A week before, I really wasn’t sure it was possible, but it happened. Some desperate prayer and desperate work here, but it’s done. For the first time since Doria died, I am not weeks behind. That’s beautiful. It’s good to have most of that focus and drive back. I need them.
It’s a new beginning, too. It’s one of those inevitable things with an academic schedule. Semesters end and semesters begin. A new one started today, and it’s shaping up to be a very productive one. That plan sounds good on paper, anyway. Plenty of good things to read, good new students to work with, good stuff to teach, and good work to get done. High expectations right now, and it’s good to have those again. It’s another new start in the new normal.
With the new beginnings and old things finished, I got back to working in our church ministry again. It’s a great relief not only to be caught up and moving ahead, but doing those things that God has for us, all those things that really matter. It’s a lot better than watching everything fall apart.
I don’t want to be overconfident here. Both of us here have found that grief still wins whenever it decides to, but it’s a better spot. Doria still isn’t here and she isn’t coming back. That hole remains. Still, life is progressing along, and that old ability to function is returning. That’s nice. It’s a much better start.