The word “due” has been on my head the last couple of days. I’m fighting through a large pile of books from the library, and that caused me to chuckle about the due dates for these books. As a grad student, I get them until the end of the school year in May. Then I go to the library website, renew them all in a couple of clicks, and sit down to figure out which ones need to go back with another yearlong cushion to figure it out. It’s nice, and you really can’t do it wrong.
At the same time, the middle of the month is the milestone section with important dates for our story with Doria. In this case, Doria was due on September 15th. Two months ago (roughly, of course), we were supposed to head into the hospital in order to come home with our beautiful little gift. Of course, things didn’t go that way, or this blog either wouldn’t exist or would have a much happier title. And our apartment would smell like diapers. And the crib wouldn’t be empty. And all that.
By all right, this was going to be a miserable day. The next big milestones remind me/us of what actually happened. This one is a reminder of what could have been. Thinking about that can take a person down. It’s taken me down before.
Instead, this turned out to be an exceptionally peaceful day. I had a good time today listening to Doria songs and looking at Doria pictures. I had one of the nicest prayer days in quite a while. It’s still horrible not having Doria here and alive, but it was remarkably peaceful. Not a day with mood swings, dwelling on odd things, or any of the things that can happen when you’re grieving. It’s been nice for both of us.
In a very real way, we were due.