Remembering Doria

One Father's Journey after the Death of his Daughter

She’s Certifiable!!


I had something different in mind today, but my little trip to the mailbox brought about a different plan. There were three things in the mailbox: one political ad, another political ad, and one document-sized envelope from the Department of Vital Records. Doria’s birth certificate is here!!  Yes, these are the things I get excited about. Doria’s birth certificate is here!!

Some good reading led to some good ideas today, but the best one is this one. I knew Doria’s life happened. Becky knew. Plenty of people knew. Now it’s documented. Doria really is certifiable, because they certified it 🙂

In a lot of ways, it doesn’t mean a whole lot. Even the title points to the ugly truth of it: “Certificate of Birth Leading to Stillbirth.” I looked at that and thought, “Thanks for rubbing it in,” but a good conversation led to a reminder that the standard birth certificate says “Certificate of Live Birth.” I suppose that they had to make a distinction, and this truly was not a live birth. Doria was dead a day before delivery.

The normal title used to seem like an odd choice of words. Now it turns out to be an important distinction. As hard as it is to believe, not every baby survives. It really isn’t a guarantee. In our case, we don’t get to have our daughter here, but I am very proud of our representatives for actually managing to come together to do something that helps a little. It’s one more nice memory for us that yes, we have a daughter.

It’s been a very quiet week, almost too normal. This was both a nice reminder and a sobering one. I’m glad to have it, and glad that we had Doria for the time we did.


4 thoughts on “She’s Certifiable!!

  1. Hello, I came to your blog via a link that Susan K posted. I was reading through your blog and smiled when I came to this one. I know, that’s an odd thing to do, but I think you’ll understand. Our son, Joshua, was still born. In our state, you do not get a certificate of any sort of birth. We got a certificate of fetal demise. How icky is that? A horribly named death certificate, but we don’t get to count his birth. I am so very glad that you have that certificate…and I hope you get your army of little people. Hugs from WV.

    • Thanks, Michele!
      It’s odd how they consider this situation. It was just approved in Iowa this March, conveniently 5 months ahead of the time we would need it.
      We have our certificate of fetal demise, too. It really strikes me that it’s just a copy of the form I filled out in the hospital room with a fancy border. Nice touch. I could have made a copy while I was there and had the same effect.
      Getting our taxes ready, I noticed that there are apparently deductions possible related to the death of children, but stillborn children are specifically excluded. I’m not looking to cash in, but that seemed a little crass and specific.

      It’s way too tough for folks to acknowledge that these are actual little children.
      Oh, and soldier #2 is on the way 🙂

      • Crass is a good word for it.

        Congratulations!!!! Praying for a smooth sailing pregnancy and delivery. My first delivery after our still birth was overwhelming with emotions and fears and emotions and joy and emotions and…you get the idea…If you or your wife ever need an ear…feel free to message us.

      • Thanks! That sounds exactly like the early part so far. We’ll be reaching out your way somewhere here 🙂

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